Last night a new thought made me free. I was in bed and felt tired into my bones. My back was strung tight like an archers’ bow before he’d let go of the arrow, and thus a fiery mental arrow pierced through my mind; all the pain I’ve suffered to achieve my goals, countless youthful hours, thrown into an endless pit of expectations. Was it worth it? Yes, and no, are equally good answers. Yes, for I had no other option. Failure was, in a sense, impossible, because I would never give up. On the other hand: no, since the toil and work necessary to do well, also meant I had no life left in me for anything else.
There was however another realisation I fancied in the wave of mental arrows bursting across the night sky of my mind: I can’t be bothered to pour any more much suffering, anguish and despair into every single thing that can might go wrong tomorrow. I’m just not willing to care, or freak out, this much about this little any longer. Time to stop the worry-train and trust myself a little.
After all, by most measures, my life is, on paper, great! It’s just that it’s taking too much worrying and struggle to maintain the score. So I figured I’d put a little more trust in the one guy that’s made my personal dreams come true along the way, I pronounce, humbly I should add, myself. I can let myself come into important situations, without trying to figure out everything that might happen beforehand. I can respond to the one actual thing that happens in an effective and good way. Once the mind is freed from holding on the never ending «what if’s», all mental energy is channeled directly into the actual experience of what is happening.
This made me happy to think of, and went into dreams with a new found lust for life, and I began to trust, for the first time in a long time, that I would be able to face what life throws at me simply by trusting my intuition and focusing on whats happening around me and acting on my thoughts and feelings in the moment as they arise.
Have a great night*
What Matters. 